I love the middle finger – the epithet of the hand. I got to slap one right in the face of a truck driver today. I had a coy smile on my face that delivered a cold hard message to him “enjoy your GED asshole”. What a cunt, the guy is driving a truck with a 20 foot tall Keebler elf image postered on the side and he has the gull to almost run me over then blow his fucking horn, I hope the prostitute at the next truck stop gives him syphilis. It’s times like these that warrant the use of a tank buster missile launcher so I could make it rain delicious elf shaped cookies all over the city with a side of extra crispy truck driving douche fag.
But I digress.
There are several variations of the middle finger which can be used in common situations to improve the quality of your everyday life. Here is a quick run down of my favorites:
The middle finger while smiling – says I’m right you’re wrong. This can replace phrases such as “told you so”, “I’m better than you”, and “I fucked your wife”. Places to avoid this gesture: funerals, weddings, childrens’ hospitals, and Texas.
Both middle fingers erected – lick my asshole. If you whip these bad boys out make sure you’re less drunk, much bigger, and have more guns than the guy who you are delivering the message to. Places to avoid this gesture: when surrounded, Civil War (below the Mason Dixon line), if you’re Canada.
One middle finger over the shoulder, while walking away – if used correctly, makes it indisputable that your dick is larger. Best time to turn and walk away is the moment your opponent studders, and should be avoided if there is a gun held to your head and/or nuts. Places to avoid gesture: any place there is a gun held to your head and/or nuts*, and no studdering has occurred.
* – Exceptions: Canada.
