I can’t sleep because I am thinking.
I am thinking about Mandalay coming into my room at 1:30 in the morning. Stating I just missed one of the most amazing things he had ever seen: Brad brought home a girl
I am thinking about how badly I want to kick in Brad’s door right now and steal this bitch right off his dick, because I know I am better looking than him, and when I am sober, more charming.
I am thinking about how big of a cunt Brad is for announcing to the entire house it has been an hour and she has not cum, in an unmistakable attempt to brag (The vagina is the hole in the front, keep trying).
I am thinking about how a dildo would have saved this girl a lot of time.
Brad:
1.) Watch porn, learn.
2.) Just because your license says you are 180 pounds does not make you not 155 pounds. That’s what you weigh, and it’s disgusting. You’re 6′6″.
3.) Never remove an article of clothing, ever. I’ve seen albino Inuits with more skin pigmentation.
4.) If you are so into martial arts, take one lesson.
5.) I am losing sleep over this. So tomorrow I am going to staple gun your fucking dick to a tree.
