NapkinShower — Leave your morals at home!

I really feel as though I’m the most powerful man on the planet. But sometimes people don’t treat me that way and that makes me sad. Because it really isn’t that easy to be this incredible; that is to say that it might be hard for you to do it.

So when guys hear their girlfriends compare them to me, it hurts that they would react negatively to me simply because I’m so much better than they are. I climbed the ladder just like you should be doing instead of complaining about how much better my hair is than yours.

This brings me to my next point: I work for this. I wash my hair almost every single day and cut it sometimes. I shave nearly once a week so people can see my fabulous jawline. I avoid most major drugs that would have an adverse effect on my incomparable wit and immaculate verbiage. So don’t think I don’t make sacrifices. Your jealously in barely necessary in this case.

So my wisdom to pass onto you is this: the air is thin up here and it’s a little hard to breathe some days.